Yesterday was a big day. Something happened and it reminded me of an incident i should not have forgotten because it does not happen everyday.
If you have a TV, you are aware that the biggest team in this lovely world was invited to a house of a toothless trapper. On reaching there, the trapper, because it had month, sucked Man u's josto and it poured three times... very fast.
After small time, the team said bad is bad. They threw makobosto on the wall and climbed them kwa nyeni, three jotis. They then left smilingbecause they left the toothless trappers bedroom full of month and did not even leave money to wash bedsheets. That is how bad it is. There is a ka teem i keep forgetting its name, but its boss looks like Mr. Bean. On sato, they invited a ka team that has Gonorrhea, gave it black ice until morning. When they refused to know themselves, they climbed them without makobosto, seven jotis. Now they wont shut up but they still remain no. 7 after tonight's game. Next time, they should climb a person with manners, not trapper with Gonorrhea. Why climb such a trapper, yet you aint going anywhere? I refuse to know.
One day, I met a person of out that looked like sun. Completely like sun. We met in a wedding of a friend and on that day, I was driving a hired Mercedes C class. Car of shop, not ex - Singapore. We met again in the evening and exchanged contacts. We couldn't talk much on that day because the pm was there.
From that day, the person used to call me everyday, inviting me to Nakuru. When i did mathematics of going to Nakuru to destroy money just because of tiita, i refused to know.
One Saturday, the person called and begged me to go. She begged and begged until i gave in. I asked her if she will put thuurari on head. She said that that should be an answer, not a question. I told Theuri to accompany me, not because i wanted his company but I wanted someone to do equal equal. He first refused but when i told him that we were meeting persons with thuruari on head, he agreed.
We went to Nakuru and met the persons. This person that looked like sun came with another that did not look like sun in real sense, but had figure that can make you pour, just by imagining. That day, Nakuru bars refused to know who had come to town. The rich of surrounding were finally in Nakuru. We destroyed all bars with beer and stories of giants.
As we were drinking, my person would touch my josto and kiss me, but when i inserted hand under the table to reach tiita, she would stop me and tell me "mmmm ti thaa ici" (not now)
After we finished drinking, my person told me that i will spend in her house. When we reached her house, she told me she had some bad news. She told me that she was so excited to see me and due to the excitement, moon came unexpectedly.
I felt like crying, like getting angry, like shaking, like makaring, all combined. I refused to know, why she call me all the way from Nairobi when she had month. I refused to know if she dont know how to count dates. Then, i refused to know, how i was not going to eat a person that looked like sun. You know there are things that can make you refuse to know.
I sat on the coach when she went to the bathroom. When i was left, I started to think of persons with face like sun so that i climb myself with hand, atleast i pour.
When she came out, I saw brookside and asked myself "Why always me? Months should know people!"
She came and sat on my lap. I refused to know what to do. Is it to suck brookie or register the image in my head and climb myself with hand when she fall asleep? Small time, i heard tree say to me in ear 'Mundu, kai mweri na riua ciri cioraga mundu. Rugira mundu, and in anycase, niwe ukuingira ka ni nie? " (Person, moon and sun have never killed somebody. In any case, is it you or me that will enter. Jump on person)
I picked one brookie wit fear and put it on mouth and sucked the nozzle small. I then removed and lifted my eyes to look at the person if she was kinda surprised or on worry. I saw her closing eyes for feeling mzuri. That was such a morale booster. When i started sucking like a hungry baby, she started so say mbus small small as she papasad my head.
Small time, I saw myself naked, with my zig zag standing 180 degrees centigrade. I cant remember how exactly i removed, but i was naked. My josto would tell me to suck tiita, but my head would respond and say to stop ubabish, there is month.
With josto removing fire, she picked it and put half of it in her mouth. My josto is kinda big, and its zig zag nature cannot agree to enter all in a mouth of a person. There is one thing i know for sure. I have an average josto, but what adds magic is the zig zag nature. I remember when i was a small boy, we would go swimming in River thuti and when boys looked at my josto, they used to laugh at me, ati my josto is big. I would wish that my josto stop growing, so that boys stop laughing at me.
The person did wonders with the mighty zig, even sucking nyees that had not been bathed.
She pulled me to her bedroom and laid a towel on the bed and started to suck my josto again.
But no amount of sucking would make it pour. The josto was telling me that even if she sucks until morning, it can only pour if it enters inside somebody. On hearing that from josto, i rose up and told the person to lay. She said "ooi. pllleease... ni chafu"
I told her that it was ok, she can even add more dirt. I rolled down makobosto on my josto and pointed my riang'a on tiita that had month. I inserted, i removed, i inserted and removed again. I waited to feel anything but where. Too much watery. I increased the pumping and said bad is bad. I removed josto with njaro, then, put gear number two. I then slowly, inserted and felt resistance. That told me that that was kwa nye? kwa nyeni. I looked at the person to see if she will refuse to know and tell me i was in the wrong hole but only saw a person closing all eyes, then lifted legs up and threw them in the air.
Because to the resistance nature, i pumped two times and felt nyees releasing pours, then collapsed on top of a person.
On looking at my stomach and nyees, it looked like redish. She went to the bathroom and came with a wet towel , removed makobosto from my zig, then wiped me clean.
That night, she woke me two times to climb kwa nyeni. One time was successful, the other one, tree refused to stand.
Before i woke up in the morning, she papasad tree and it stood. She came on top and climbed herself. I felt so good until i was wishing makobosto would burst. But head told me, if makobosto burst, you are a dead man. I fear to die, so I changed the wish of having makobosto burst.
Later, she apologized and told me that she did not expect to get month on that day. I told her that even if she gets month for a whole month none stop, i will never regret. I told her to infact call me another day when she had month.
That person calls me so often. Sometimes, she tells me she comes herself to Nairobi, but i fear she will come with month. When this josto touches a person, they never fail to beg another session, despite sometimes pouring so fast. I think the zig zag nature does magic.
When we hooked up with Theuri later in the day, i did not tell him that i climbed tiita with month. Theuri is not a person you can tell something like that. He will either tell the whole town, or start beating that story to people as if it happened to him. To date, he does not know that. If he knows, everyone will know. You can even remember the person i told you i was climbing that had a small baby. To date, He reminds everybody about that person. He tells them 'uyu a haicaga kamundu. akiuma room, okaga ahana maria uthio. ngamuria nikii kai ukunyuaga iria ukiitagiriria. Kumbe ni mundu ari nake wari na kana ka mieri itatu. Uyu kinya thoni ndari" (He used to climb a person. When leaving room, he used to look like he had spilled milk on his face. But it was not milk, he was climbing a person with a baby of 3 months. He has no manners)
He now destroying one, Martin Goats' name. He refuses to know if he really okias. On Friday, he asked me in ear after Goats allowed a person that looked like sun go home, even after drinking several colonialistic drinks called Heineken. He asked 'Mundu, kai mwanakeee atahuhagiria (young man does not stand?)". I asked why. He said, "ino ni thabari ya gatatu kuona arekekereria person. Ucio ndokagia, na akorwo ndi wrong, ndinio nyee" (this is the 3rd time am seing him release a person. If i am wrong, let them cut my nyees). I honestly cannot undestand because that is one person, if i climb, i will not bath for a full week, so that utam remain in josto for that long. Real sun.
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine
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It was all excitement when Daniel Adongo younger brother to (Leon Adongo who plays for the Kenya 7s team ) joined the Vodacom Bulls late last year. Lakini if you look at the kind of training his going through, you realize how hard you have to train to get to the top. 
